ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
