My first STD was from a foam party
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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