I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
