I just made out with a guy for $7.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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