Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
