I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
