I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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