how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
