I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
