My room smells like vodka and shame
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
