Me too!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
