the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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