"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
