I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
