I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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