she was so not down for the gang bang
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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