Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
