It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
