so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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