i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
