Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
