Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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