Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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