the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
