Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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