he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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