I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
