went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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