before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
