1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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