Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
