I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
