I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
