You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
