oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
