Yo dont text me then not text me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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