question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
