Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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