Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
