So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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