You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
