i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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