He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
