if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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