You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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