his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
