it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
