im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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