After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
