I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
