If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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