i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
