Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
