so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize