some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
