Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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