Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
