like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
