K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
