My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
