This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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