cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The uberlube is also flammable
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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